Incapable
by flor-desu
Summary: She really did hate him... If there was so much she hated about him, why did she find herself incapable of doing just that? - NxM sort of companion piece for "Smurgle"


**Incapable**

She honestly did hate him.

And why shouldn't she? She was entitled to hate him.

The way he would always mock her and make her look like an idiot in front of everyone.

The way he would always look at her underwear and call her names. She knew he did that on purpose, it couldn't be a coincidence after the third- okay it was more like the eighth time that had happened in a year, but who kept count right?

The way he would always just disappear for a week without even saying as much as goodbye, making her worry and spend many sleepless nights praying for his safe return.

How he would just come back one day out of the blue and simply pretend like nothing was wrong, even though she could see the blood stains on his clothes but couldn't find the courage to tell him that.

She hated how she couldn't be mad at him for that because he did it for her sake. He acted like he was fine so that she wouldn't be worried, but how could she not? He was putting his life on the line for everyone and she was supposed to just grin and turn a blind eye?

There was another thing she hated even more than that though. The mask he would always wear, not the actual black cat one but the strong-loner-man mask. That was what she hated the most about him. How he would always act all conceited and self-confident all the time, hiding his real emotions behind a stone face never letting his guard down for even one second.

She couldn't take that part of him; it annoyed her to no end that he would not trust anyone. Why couldn't he trust her? Was she really that unreliable? It was obvious there was not much she could do to help, but at the very least she could bear a bit of his burden for him.

So what reason was there for him to intentionally alienate himself? She hated it when he did that… she hated to see him suffering alone.

She hated how he wouldn't let her be the one to support him, his shoulder to cry on –figuratively speaking of course, he would never ever allow himself to cry in front of her.

She hated how HE would always be HER shoulder to cry on without even uttering a word of complaint. She specially hated that he would always comfort her even though he was probably in much more pain that she was! She hated how he always did so much for her and never asked for anything in return.

She hated that she felt so safe in his arms to the point that she felt she could never let go of him.

She hated that obnoxious smirk of his that he would always use to convince her of anything, and she would fall for it every single time.

She really did honestly hate him!

Hated how she couldn't help but smile when she saw him.

How just one word from his mouth was enough to make her day complete and just one smile – which was a very rare sight - could make time stop and the whole world vanish.

She hated that he knew exactly what to do or what to say to make her feel better and hated to know that there was nothing she could do but smile and wish that was enough.

"Well there is one more thing you can do" Natsume said with a tiny smile still noticeable on his face "Close your eyes and stay still."

"You'd better not be thinking anything perverted" Mikan answered but complied with his request nonetheless, she couldn't say no to that smile.

The moment she felt the back of his head on her lap her eyes instantly flew open but she didn't say a word, instead she absentmindedly started petting his hair.

For a brief time she thought he really did resemble a cat, independent and distant, yet if you earned his love he would be a truthful friend, who would always come back to you but the more you pursued him the more he would run away, and in the end you knew he would be the one to ultimately seek for your attention and care.

"I'm not a cat you know" he said almost as if he were actually reading her mind.

Oh how she hated that he could understand everything about her and read her like an open book and yet she couldn't hope to even begin to comprehend what was going on in his head.

"Well you do behave like one" she replied caressing his hair gently.

He didn't say anything else and just closed his eyes. Mikan stared at him as if he were the most interesting thing in the entire world.

After four days without any news from him here he was and… he had fallen asleep! She had been worried sick without sleeping for four days and he fell asleep just like that!

She hated him! She really did!

Ungrateful brat, she'd thought about so many things she wanted to tell him the moment she saw him again and he had just taken off into dreamland… She thought about waking him up but as soon as she noticed his blissful relaxed expression she sighed.

It was her loss after all; she didn't have the heart to disturb him. Not when he looked like he was finally at ease probably for the first time in months.

Oh, but he was going to get it once he woke up.

Mikan yawned as drowsiness hit her at long last. Maybe she could also rest for a little bit... she had earned it, but when she woke up she was going to give that idiot a piece of her mind and boy would she enjoy it.

After all she hated him…

She really should.

If there was so much she hated about him, why did she find herself incapable of doing just that?

* * *

**A/N****:** I hadn't originally planned this as a companion piece for my "Smurgle" fic, but it came to a point at the end where I thought they could really go together… But since they don't REALLY depend on each other to be understandable I figured I'd make them into separate stories…

So you can read them together or not, whatever.


End file.
